This week is a “family” post. It seems the perfect opportunity to provide an update on the latest for the Hamiltons. There have been many conversations and developments lately, and now, for the second time in two years, God is telling us to “go” before we actually feel ready!
My contract here in La Paz was for two years. However, at the end of 2017, we had started to feel as if two years might be too soon. We had begun to wonder if it could it be possible for us to stay just a little longer…
But as the Proverbs say, “We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” It seems God has a different plan for our family!
One of the main goals of my coming here was to train a local Bolivian to do the work I would be doing. I love this mindset because I believe deeply that the best way to change a community is through the community itself (a thought to explore more in a separate post!). Due to developments with the government and their effects on our Foundation financially, it has become very clear that it is best to hand my position earlier than planned.
Because of this development, and the scarcity of other positions, we have begun to plan our move back to the States early this Summer.
Even though we are all super happy that the foundation will have more local leadership, our family is feeling so many, many things. While we have ached with how much we have missed our family during our time here, we have fallen utterly in love with La Paz. We love its people, its mountains and its culture. The church here has become like our family, the kids’ school is beyond what we could have hoped for and I have absolutely loved the work God has given me to do (even writing policies and procedures has had its own flavor of fun!). Even though it seems like God is making it clear that we should leave in a number of months, our hearts are still being torn by the thought.
We don’t know where we are going. So much of where we “land” depends on where there is work. This uncertainty is challenging each member of our family in different ways. We are having conversations daily on what it means to trust God.
Recently I was praying and I was wrestling with my level of anxiety. I was reading and realized that I needed to decide if I trusted God’s character.
I asked myself if I really believe that He is trustworthy? My immediate answer was “of course”.
Then why is there still so much anxiety?
I realized it is because I desperately want control. I want things worked out on MY timing. I want to know where we are going to live and how it is all going to work out. I want to start making plans and looking ahead. And then, it hit me. Do I really think I could do a better job than God if I were in control? Could I really know how to perfectly plan out the next 5, 10, 15 years for my family and for our faith? As I thought more, it became very clear that I really do NOT want control. If being at peace now, accepting the uncertainty of this present moment, means that God remains in control and I do not, I think I’d much rather surrender.
I was reminded as I was praying today that the only thing that really matters is that our family loves God and loves people. Finding a great job, or not finding any job; living with little or living with alot….these circumstances do not prevent us from being able to love God and to love the people around us.
So, wherever God chooses to bring us next, I feel a little more peace remembering God is in control and we can still keep doing exactly what it is we need to do.