Have you ever been haunted by a persistent thought that refuses to release its grip on your mind? It’s the kind of thought that you find yourself mulling over incessantly, turning it over and over again. I’ve been grappling with one such thought for several months now. It’s the notion of “compassion” and how genuine compassion should never come with conditions. In fact, I’ve come to believe that conditional compassion might as well be labeled “judgment.”
Here in La Paz, we encounter many people living in extreme poverty. Their need is unmistakable in their tattered clothing, unkempt hair, and outstretched hands. I hear countless stories of individuals lacking even the most basic necessities like food, shelter, and healthcare. And it’s alarming how easily we can determine whether someone deserves our compassion.
Perhaps our thoughts aren’t as overt as consciously saying, “I’ll show compassion to her but not to him.” Nonetheless, I believe we (myself included) can easily fall into this pattern.
We might judge whether the poor deserve our compassion:
Did they end up in this situation due to poor choices or genuinely unfortunate circumstances?
Poor choices: No way am I helping. Sad circumstances: Okay, they deserve a helping hand.
We might judge whether the rich deserve our compassion:
They have everything they need; why would they need my help?
Or worse yet, how can they serve my interests?
We might even judge whether our friends deserve our compassion:
She’s in such a bad mood today. Fine, I’ll just avoid talking to her.
He was incredibly insensitive. He needs a lesson in empathy!
Of course, I’m not advocating turning a blind eye to the root causes of poverty or ignoring hurtful behavior from our friends. Our dear friend Webster defines compassion as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.”
Sympathetic consciousness. An understanding of the “why.” A desire to alleviate—the desire to help. I’m convinced that our own personal judgments are the biggest obstacles to compassion. We might seek to understand the reasons behind someone’s behavior, but instead of using that understanding as a launching pad for assistance, we allow it to become the deciding factor in how we personally feel about their actions.
One of the qualities that draws me most to Jesus is his compassion. Jesus knew everything about everyone he encountered. He was privy to all their poor choices, all the alternative paths they could have taken, yet he overflowed with compassion. Jesus didn’t withhold his compassion from the stressed, the sinful, the proud, the poor, the rich, or even those who mistreated him directly. This is because he truly saw people. He perceived their brokenness beneath the external facade. He recognized the suffering of the wealthiest Pharisee as vividly as he recognized the anguish of the destitute widow. And because he saw each individual so clearly, he knew how to alleviate their suffering. Hunger could be eased with food. Pride could be healed through direct teaching or even rebuke.
We are all broken in some way. For some reason, living in La Paz has made me much more aware of this reality. I must fight against the tendency to judge based solely on outward appearances and instead strive to truly see the person within. Brokenness can be evident in rags and disease, or it can hide beneath layers of stylish clothing and meticulously styled hair. Brokenness can manifest in the tears of a homeless woman or in the indifferent demeanor of a store cashier. Most often, it’s our own brokenness that gives rise to the very behaviors we judge so harshly.
I genuinely aspire to live out this kind of authentic compassion. It’s challenging because my own emotions and judgments often obscure my ability to truly see others. At times, I’m so deeply absorbed in my own world that I don’t even realize I’m not seeing others. Perhaps now that I’ve released this nagging thought from the confines of my mind and shared it with the world, I’ll gain greater awareness, deeper understanding, and much, much more authentic compassion.
“Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else’s skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.” — Frederick Buechner
Thin Air, High Hope 